No more dialysis!

Today I got the good news that I could take my dialysis cath out! HurrAy! My new kidney is functioning so well. It's a super kidney and is an over achiever. Its pumping out pee like you wouldn't believe. Just amazing. Today I went over all the meds I have to take everyday. There are a ton! I'm scared that I'm going to catch some deadly viruse now that I don't have an immune system. And I feel bad asking are you sick? All the time. I guess it's the trade of. I also got to start eating today! Yum. I drank a whole huge jug of water! And didnt feel like crap afterwards. I also ate a sandwich and didn't swell up! Awesome! Today was a great day. Me and Lisa took a lot of walks around the floor. It's nice having a friend here. Well until tomorrow.

Progress

Today I have made a lot of progress.mi have gotten up to walk about four times today. I also have been able to further distances hurray. They changed my pain meds to morphine because I was having major side effects from the other meds. Started my immunosuppressant drugs and so far no reaction. Yes! Lisa my donor looks great and had made a lot of progress today also. We has a race with our IV poles tonight. This is seriously heavan! I feel so great!

I love my life

Today is amazing. There is for once a happy feeling being in the hospital. I feel amazing and I have since I woke up from surgery. This has truly been a miraculuous experience to go through. I have been blessed and have been given the chance at life and to learn many thing. I am truly grateful for my donor. And a second chance at life.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life

Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life. Tomorrow I will be given one of the greatest gift a person can give. My life. I am sittiNg here shaking with fear but I am somewhat calm and have faith that things will be fine. Today I have felt so much love from so many. I am truly blessed with the people I have in my life. Thank you all for your never ending support and love.

Families are forever

We are getting down to the wire with the whole transplant. Its coming up on Tuesday and I can't even believe that its here. Finally.  I have never felt to grateful for something in my entire life. I have never seen such pure charity than I have from my donor. The gift she is giving is amazing. My life. She is amazing.

Yesterday was the last transplant appointment I will have before surgery. It took over 4 hours! We met with surgeons, PA's, pharmacist, and my coordinator. More blood tests and a whole lot of paper work to sign.  I am terrified to get another surgery but I am excited like a kid on Christmas morning.

I did also get diagnosed with a blood disorder called anti-phospholipid syndrome. Great right. There is a big possibility that cause my kidney to clot off in the first place. Imagine that. Once again if thats the case I am completely a walking miracle. I was before but even more so now.  APS is an auto immune disease. Don't worry you can't  catch it. :) It cause blood clots, strokes, fatigue, migraines and headaches, memory loss, miscarriage, pre-eclamsia, pre term births, muscle aches and pains, dizziness, and a whole lot more. Those are all the symptoms i have. And suddenly a lot makes sense in my life.  I have struggled with these things since high school. I thought everyone felt like that or that I was lazy or something. Nope it was APS. I am just so grateful that I have been able to have two beautiful children. and have been lucky enough to not have a stroke yet and find this out and start treating it before I do.  Another miracle in my life. I have had so many.

This experience I have been going through is truly amazing. Ya I feel like crap most of the time. But I am here on this earth. I have amazing family and friends. The things I have been going through are terrible; but it has shown me so much. I have hope and my faith has never been stronger. I have faith in people. I have seen and met so many amazing people. We have been able to strengthen eachother and I have been able to grow so much as a person.  I don't take things for granted. I am able to slow down and smell the roses. I cherish every single minute of every single day.  In a way our trials are blessings to help us grow and learn things about ourselves we thought were possible.  I ofter get asked. How do you do it? You are my hero. I'm no hero you just do what you have to do to survive.

Today is a special day. Another great example of great people.  Alexanders Print Advantage is hosting a golf tournament and all proceeds go to my medical fund.  Its absolutely amazing the things that have happend in my life. 54 holes craziness! I am truly grateful for them.

Well until the surgery.....

Keeping Hope

I am sitting here at dialysis slightly nauseated, dizzy, and trying not to throw up. The whole throwing up thing is getting kind of old. I hate it. Sick of not having appitetite and not being able to eat my favorite foods. I have been really working on forcing myself to eat. I can't lose anymore weight. On the better side I am definitely more stable and my body is tolerating dialysis a bit better. I figured out if I'm on oxygen during treatment I don't get a migraine so that's pretty awesome. I have had another match since the last one that disnt work out. My sweet visiting teacher had been getting tested since November. It such a long process. It didnt work out. She went through a lot for me and I will always be grateful and have a special bond with her. I have two others that are getting tested for me and hopefully will find out soon if one will work. I only have a little over a month left on the blood thinners that means I will be back on the donor list and I will qualify to get my transplant. I know it will not "cure" me but hopefully I will be feeling a lot better and hav a more normal life. And no more dialysis!! I am definitely starting to get nervous for the transplant surgery. First I don't have a kidney yet. Second I am petrified of having another surgery. I don't want anything to go wrong. I have a huge fear of it. I don't want to die. I have to remind myself to stay positive to think positive and have faith that everything will be ok. I want my strength back. I want to be able to do the things I need to do and not always have to push my body to be able to do anything. I feel like my body can't keep up. With two kids and the responsibilities of being a mom and wife are hard for any healthy person. It's so frustrating for me. I can't always do what I need to do. I dread walking up the stairs or walking for that long at all. Or sitting for too long because e fluid in my body will collect in my legs and feet and cause swelling and pain. But I push through I do it because I want a normal life for my kids. It already kills me that my sweet girls know what dialysis is. I don't want them to see me sick I don't want them to worry. I am strong I'm strong for my girls.

Life will go on

It has been a month now since I was released from my last hospital visit. Celebrate! This is the longest I have gone without being readmitted. Knock on wood. I am really adjusting well to dialysis and having more good days then bad, thank goodness. Im not going to lie, it is still rough but I push through and move on.

People ask me all the the time how do you do it? You are my hero. I have a simple answer. You just do. I take a deap breath and suck it up and think I WANT to live. I want to experience my kids grow up. I push through put a smile on my face and do it. It's that simple. I can either sit around and let life happen around me or be involved. I choose to be involved.

I'm still waiting for June to come. It can't come fast enough. I want a new kidney so badly. I am also still waiting for a match, but that will come with time. I am so lucky to have so much love and support from my friends and family. They help me so much and help me to keep my positive attitude. I am truly blessed.

My blood thinner is rat poison how comforting

Good news that my blood clot has dissolved hurray. Bad news I still have to be on the blood thinners for six months and no more birth control for me. So here we go with migraine central. since I have to take blood thinners this postpones my transplant for six months :( lame. And I have to go to the hospital every week twice to get my blood taken. I'm definitely devastated about having to wait six months. Be on dialysis six months. Eating this crappy renal diet. Ugh. Please God catch me a break. I have been trying to keep it together and be positive in all this. I need this to try to live a normal life when things r in shambles. I feel through this whole process it's been a roller coaster of emotion. Any minute something could change. I do have to get a graft put in my arm. Another surgery ugh. But in the long run it will be better.

I'm definitely have had a hard time grasping all these things that keep being thrown my way. I get good news one moment and terrible the next. Just when im getting setteled bame I get knocked down. I'm not going to lie this has been the hardest thing I have ever endured. It's horrible but I keep needing to grow and learn from this experience. To be patient have faith and get through this time of hardship and come out of it with a stronger family and a stronger me! Life is what you make it. And I'm trying to make mine a party :)

Are trials and harships really burdens or blessings?

I am sitting in the hospital AGAIN writing this post. Wendsday I received a phone all from my nephrologist right as a was finished being hooked up to dialysis. I had been trying to reach him for about a week but with the holidays it just didn't work out. I have been having wierd chest pain for a couple weeks it has been a bit better but was still there. I wanted to follow up with the nephrologist so I was thinking when he called me it was one less doctor appointment I had to go to. Well he had a different agenda. He was calling to inform me that the hospital had misread my CT scan from my previous hospital stay for chest pain. The radiologist had randomly chosen my scan to retread for quality purposes. He then realized they had missed a potentially life threatening blood clot. A pulmonary embolism. I was in shock. I had been walking around with this for weeks. I am now hospitalized while we get my blood thinned out enough that the clot won't grow.

Now there are two ways I could look at this situation. One completely start feeling bad for myself and say why me I have such bad luck or two I can use the trials I go through to grow and learn from my experience and realize someone is watching out for me and it was a blessing that my scan was re read.

I have been through a lot these last few weeks. My body maybe weak but my spirit is strong and will get me through these trials. I have to remember I have to have faith and realize. I will grow from this and also inspire others to go on to push through the hard times and EXPERIENCE life don't fumble through. Take things that come into your life as a learning experience a chance to grow and improve yourself. I know I have learned patience which I didn't have before. Also have leanrned about Pure love for people that i may have had problems with before. Everyone is human everyone has weaknesses I know I do. We shouldn't let those weaknesses keep us from experiencing that relationship. Realize we all make mistakes and just learn you can only change yourself. You are the one that can take charge of your life a become a better person.