Christmas miracles

dear future kidney donor,


I am so grateful for your choice to donate and give me back my life. There aren't words to express the gratitude and love I have for my future donor. I will be able to LIVE my life again. Be a mom and a wife to my husband. From the bottom of my heart thank you.

I still don't have a new kidney but hey I can write a letter just for therapy reasons. The holiday season is almost over and i am so grateful for the time i have been able to spend with family and friends. I cherish every minute i have with my kids and husband. I make time to everything with them when before i would be "too busy" to read a book to avery, or I would put it off cause i was cleaning. Now i just try to do as much as I can with them. read play games cuddle and watch movies. I am so very lucky that i have more time with them. That my life was spared and i can be a mom.

Lately I have definately been a little sad up and downs scared of what the future holds. Scared to eventually have another surgery when the last i almost died. i worry my new kidney i will reject. i have many fears. but i have to just keep the faith and have positive thoughts about the whole thing. i can't give in to my worries. i have started doing positive affermations. say them out start to believe it. We will see how it goes.

I am starting to get a little more use to dialysis which is great. I have a bit more energy and i am starting to do a bit of exercise (dance central 2 on the kinects) me and ave jam out and dance around. I am not as nauseated as much anymore. so pretty much i am having more good days then bad hurray!

Christmas was absolutely amazing this year. We were blessed with some secret santas that made my kids just beam with excitement on christmas morning. I am so grateful for people with such giving hearts. It is truly a blessing and we are surrounded with so much love. It gives me hope for a better tomorrow and inspires me to be more giving of myself.

Waiting waitng some more

Today I said goodbye to my girls with tears inmy eyes. They are sick with colds so they are staying with family until I find out about the transplant. I can't get sick or I won't be able to accept the donor. I spent the morning in my transplant class and on the phone most of the day with the IMC transplant center trying to coordinate the authorization with Medicaid. I still haven't heard anything back one way or the other.

I can't even believe this transplant can take place as soon as tuesday! Its truly a miracle. A special woman walked into the center wanting to give the gift of a kidney. For no reason. Just to do some good in the world. I have not met her I don't know her name. But if this works she will give me the gift of life. She will give my two sweet girls her mom back. Chris will have his wife back. I will be able to live again. Healthy and strong.

Now we wait. We wait to see of everything falls into place. It is feeling like an eternity. But I have to remember to have patience and hope. Things will happen as they are suppose to. And if not this kidney there will be another. I have to have faith. Until tomorrow. Let's keep our fingers crossed.